I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately. As I’ve read infuriating news stories, scrolled past heavyhearted social media posts, and cried on the phone with friends and family about their struggles and challenges, I’ve come to this conclusion: Life is not fair. In fact, it’s so unfair some days that it feels like we’re hit by one debilitating heartbreak after another. How are we supposed to live like this? How are we supposed to push on when the heaviness of the world seems to intensify every day?
I got my answer during a phone call from a good friend—a phone call I’m confident did not come by coincidence.
I’ve been thinking about this dear friend for days. She and her husband have been struggling for some time, and last week he made the decision to move out. His choice has been crushing to both her and their children. She never imagined that their “for time and all eternity” marriage would mean time apart on earth. She never imagined that the priesthood holder in her home would question the reality of God, question his love for his high school sweetheart, and question whether or not a forever even exists. She never imagined she’d be getting her kids ready and out the door on her own. But here she was. Alone. Living a life she never saw for herself.
Two years ago when her husband shared that he didn’t believe in the Church anymore, my friend was devastated. How did this happen? What was she supposed to do? She loved him so much. But she also loved God. Should she follow him to try and save her family? Was it really God’s will that their eternal family be separated? Faced with these difficult questions dealing with faith, agency, and God’s will, she had the thought “live closer to the Spirit and you’ll know what to do.”
She committed to praying every day with more purpose. She committed to really studying the scriptures, and she picked up some study guides to try and enhance that. She began reading the Book of Mormon every day with her children to follow the counsel from living prophets and apostles. She read her patriarchal blessing often to remind her of God’s promises to her and who He intended her to be. She committed to trying her best to attend the temple every week. And for two years, she did.
During that time, she received beautiful priesthood blessings from her bishop. She felt the strength of collective prayers and fasts by friends and family. And of her time in the temple, she spoke of sacred, spiritual experiences that testified to her that God knew her and He loved her. That sentiment became more than just a nice thing to believe in. To her, it became absolute truth that she could not deny.
In these two years that my friend has consciously tried to live closer to the Spirit, I’ve watched her change. She was always a beautiful spiritual giant to me, but now she is even more so. As more doubt and discouragement has filled her husband’s heart, more light and faith has filled hers. You can literally see it. She speaks with more love and patience to her children. She has a deeper appreciation for her family and friends. And where we can be quick to judge and feel anger towards her husband’s actions, she feels an increase of love and forgiveness. She said she started to really see him how God sees him and for the first time in her life started to understand what charity really means. Through her heartache, her heart is strengthening. Her faith and trust in God is growing. And I believe it is because she is trying to live closer to the Spirit every day.
That brings me back to my phone call—the phone call that I know did not come by coincidence.
I have had the feeling to call this friend of mine for several days. In fact, the thought has come to my mind repeatedly. But I never picked up the phone. When my work calendar notified me that it was time to write my next blog post, I thought of her again. But I didn’t pick up the phone. Minutes later, when I got up to walk to the bathroom, my phone rang. It was her. I answered and said, “I’ve been meaning to call you.” She replied, “Really? Because I don’t know why, but I just had the feeling that I needed to call you.” For the next hour we talked and cried together. In her tears, I heard strength. In her turmoil, she bore powerful testimony. And that’s when I had my aha moment.
There are no such things as coincidences. It was no coincidence that my friend called me that day. Those feelings I had to call her were promptings from the Spirit. But I didn’t respond. I thought, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” She, on the other hand, showed me by example what it really means to live closer to the Spirit, to recognize a prompting and to act on it without delay. Immediately following our conversation, I went back to my desk and started writing this blog post.
This simple phone call was the spiritual experience I needed in the midst of a crazy week to remind me how we push on when the heaviness of the world seems to intensify every day. We need to live closer to the Spirit. That gift of the Spirit is what God has given us to understand “the mysteries of God.” We don’t know or understand all of God’s plan for us, but we know that He has one. And we can receive answers and promptings through the Spirit to better understand those very personal, individualized plans if we strive to always have the Spirit to be with us.
More meaningful prayer, intense scripture study, and more regular temple attendance is how my friend is seeking to understand the “mysteries” in her life. While she doesn’t understand everything, through the Spirit she has come to really know that God loves her. She knows that miracles still happen today. She knows that God is in the details of her life. From a hug to a phone call to an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst, she knows these are manifestations of a loving Heavenly Father and Savior, communicating through the Spirit.
Life is not fair. Like it or not, “there is an opposition in all things.” And often it’s in that opposition, in that darkness, that we more eagerly seek the light. Like my dear friend said to me, she cannot imagine going through this storm in her life without the Savior’s love and the companionship of the Spirit. It is what has literally lifted her heart, mind, and body with hope when the weight of the world has rested on her shoulders.
The Savior said, “I will not leave you comfortless.” And He hasn’t. In our darkest days, He will come to us through tender mercies and through the Comforter, even the Holy Ghost.
We can all live closer to the Spirit. We need to live closer to the Spirit. If we’re going to survive the heartaches and heartbreaks of this world and find happiness in life, it’s the gift we simply cannot afford to live without.